Are you a DO or a DON’T parent?
Don’t touch that!
Don’t spill your drink.
Don’t take off your hat.
Don’t throw the ball in the house.
Don’t forget to put your school bag away.
Don’t touch that!
Don’t spill your drink.
Don’t take off your hat.
Don’t throw the ball in the house.
Don’t forget to put your school bag away.
I want you to imagine you now own a horse, and you put it out on the land. It’s on an area where there are no fences – none, anywhere! You call the horse to come to you, and it runs away. Another time you see the horse misbehaving, but before you can approach it, it runs away. Another time, there is danger about, and you attempt to get the horse for it’s own safety, but it runs away. In all of these cases, a fence would have been really useful.
It is the same with ‘fences’ for children. Obviously we aren’t going to fence in our child, but it is vital that we establish boundaries, which are just like fences. A boundary is like saying to your child: ‘Within here you can run/ play/ do, but then you can go no further.’ Let me give you a few examples.
Last week I detailed four of the nine traits which make up your temperament or personality, and the ways in which as a parent, we can cater for our children’s temperaments, when life isn’t always going to go their way. Let’s look at the other five traits:
Regularity:
Support children who are highly regular by maintaining schedules, where possible. Talk to them, if things are going to be different today.
When children aren’t predictable in their needs for food, sleep or toileting, watch them for indications that they are uncomfortable (tired, hungry), as they may not read the signs themselves.
Last week I listed the nine traits which make up your temperament or personality. Basically you are born with them, and it’s believed they don’t change that much over time – the idea that ‘who you are’ is it.
As a parent, how do we cater for our children’s temperaments, when life isn’t always going to go their way?
Let’s look at each trait.
You often hear phrases such as: ‘He’s easy tempered’, or ‘She’s got a hot temper’… What does it actually mean?
It’s your personality – the way you act, feel and think. Your temperament, or style of behaviour, is present at birth, is generally resistent to change, and affect our lives into adulthood.
Why do parents need to know about temperament?
As a parent, this is vital information… many parents get upset or annoyed when their child (or partner) behaves in a certain way, because they don’t see the reason behind the behaviour eg why a child gets clingy in a new situation, or why a child doesn’t persist at a task. If you would respond in a similar way, then you will understand why they do things the way they do. But, if they are behaving in a different way to how you would, the child’s reason for their behaviour isn’t always obvious.
I’m wondering how many of you made New Year Resolutions – things like giving up smoking, playing more golf, losing weight etc. How are you going with those one month in? If you are like most, the resolutions have gone by the wayside!
New Year’s Resolutions often don’t work because of two flaws …
Firstly most of these vague goals are wishes, not actionable intentions, so that within a few days or weeks that resolution has been broken.
Secondly, they often seem to be stated in terms of what you don’t want, rather than what you do want.
Music for babies begins when you first coo to them, or when you are rocking them to sleep whilst humming, or singing a quiet, gentle lullaby. Babies have even heard your music in utereo, including the ‘music’ of your beating heart!
Parents often sing little songs or rhymes to them whilst changing their nappy or bathing them – reciting ‘This little piggy went to market’ or entertaining a young child with ‘Round and round the garden’, on their hand. Music is such a great connecting mechanism between the parent and child. Music provides comfort, familiarity, physical closeness, anticipation and often laughter.
There are four components to music: singing, listening, dancing and playing.
Here’s how you can help your child to learn….
There was once a group of tiny frogs, who arranged a competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very tall water tower. A big crowd gathered around to see the race, and to cheer on the contestants. The race began…
Honestly, no-one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You could hear statements such as: “Oh it’s way too difficult. They will never make it to the top.” And “Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high”.
Some tiny frogs began collapsing off the wall, one by one.
A few others had a fresh burst of energy and were climbing higher and higher… The crowd continued to yell: “It’s too difficulty! No-one will make it!” Gradually more tiny frogs got tired of the effort and gave up.
But there was one who wouldn’t give up and continued higher and higher until finally he reached the top.
You often hear grandparents, or parents of older children say: ‘I can’t believe my daughter turns 32 in September’ or, ‘I can’t believe he’s going to be a teenager next week’; and it’s usually followed up with: ‘It’s all gone so fast, it seems like only yesterday they were starting school.’
These parents have noticed how quickly the time passes.
Yet when you’re a parent to an active 6 year old, or a 2 year old who has spent the day having tantrums, the time (till bed-time) seems to pass so s-l-o-w-l-y!
There’s a lot of fun to be had with babies and young children – hugging and smiling, reading books, playing with playdough, building towers, and ‘magic’ things like blowing bubbles or lying on the grass watching the clouds pass by. When this is happening, it’s such a beautiful feeling, and we are strengthening the bonds with our child/ren.
You need to know how to prepare for toilet learning ;what the signs of readiness are; and you need to know how to actually do it – and, of course patience while your child learns this new skill!
As you know, every single child is different, and each child learns in their own time.
If you and your partner are comfortable, let the child see you using the toilet.
Teach them the steps, by description… Eg pull pants down, wipe, flush , wash hands etc – using appropriate language for your child.
Start talking about: ‘When you are a big boy/girl, you’ll wear big boy/ girls pants like… (someone they like) and use the toilet.
Buy a potty and place it next to the toilet if possible. Tell them this is what you use to start. Let them get comfortable with sitting on it, fully clothed. Let them take it to the lounge room, bedroom, if they like – you want them to be ‘happy’ with it.
Buy some big boy/ girl undies. Get them to help you put them in the drawer ready for when they need them.
Teach them the words for the body parts and functions. Think carefully about the words you choose. It is recommended by sexual health personnel and also child protection people, that children learn the correct terminology.
Have some story books about toilet learning as part of your library.
Be ready yourself. When the child is ready, they can learn fairly quickly, but they need your support and patience during the learning.
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