I was asked recently, what do you do if your 20 month old hurts a baby for no apparent reason?
Let’s look at what’s happening developmentally around this age…
Language – By about 2 years of age, they can put two words together, have a vocabulary of around 50 words, and speak clearly half of the time.
Intellectually – a two year old uses ‘trial and error’ to attempt things; knows how to utilise objects eg how to use a chair to climb higher; and likes to pull things apart and try to put them together.
Motor Skills – they can climb on things, kick a ball forward and carry a large object while walking.
Social-Emotional development – This is critical to know about, to understand why a child sometimes responds poorly. They have learnt to say ‘no’ to show independence, make choices, and show a wide variety of emotions eg jealousy, sympathy, fear and anger, and that can change suddenly.
So, back to the situation… Read more
How do I Talk to my Children about Death?
/by Sonja PrestonWe start simply, by pointing our things in the environment which haved died – leaves which have turned brown, the ant that you trod on, flowers you cut from your garden which have now died, the road kill we see as we drive along, and even toys which are broken (ie they aren’t working any more). In this way, you can explain the fact that they aren’t breathing anymore, that they aren’t growing anymore. As the events descibed aren’t ‘close’ to you, death can be explained in an unemotional way. Children may want to look at a dead animal – use your discretion, but be aware that they are coming from a point or curiosity and a wish to understand. It is likely that young children will ask questions, in their attempt to understand at their level – answer honestly and simply.
If you wait to explain death until someone close to you passes away, then there is likely to be a strong emotional response in you, making it harder to explain to your child, and to be emotionally available to them.
Read more
Looking after Mum: “Me-Time”
/by Sonja PrestonMany of those Mums are also great at looking after their partners – again, loving, caring & laughing.
Why then, when we are the ‘experts’ at looking after others, do we often do such a poor job of looking after ourselves?
This is a concern, on a few levels.
Read more
Courage Precedes Confidence
/by Sonja PrestonI heard a great phrase the other day…. “Courage precedes confidence”.
Think about it… before you were a successful driver, you needed to have the courage to give it a go, to practice, and to keep at it even when you made mistakes or couldn’t change gears without ‘crunching’ it.
Or when you went for the job interview for a position you really wanted – you may have had mock interviews with your friend’s support, and even practised in front of the mirror, to make sure you knew what to say and how you looked.
Read more
Moving House – Moving Community
/by Sonja PrestonSo, you’ve made the decision to move, and now the day has arrived. The boxes are packed, the trucks loaded and it’s time to go to the new home.
What happens if the new place is interstate or overseas? If you’ve been at your previous home for a while, you forget how many connections you’ve made… you know where the shops are, and where to go for speciality items; you know which chemist stays open late and where the cheapest petrol is; you’ve joined playgroups or schools and have connections there, and as a result you know when dance classes are on and where the best parks are for children. We forget how much we know about our local community!
Now you are somewhere new and need to start from scratch. How do we help ourselves and our children to adapt to the new place and to start to feel part of it?
Read more
What is it, that our Children Really Need from Us?
/by Sonja PrestonWhat do children need? As humans, we have five basic needs: survival, love and belonging, fun, power, freedom… Let’s look at these in more detail….
Survival – this is about the basics we need to support human life – good nourishing food available including water, comfortable clothing which fits and suits the weather conditions, shelter from the elements and which also provides a home base – a place of safety, and warmth both physical and emotional.
Love and Belonging – Parents can show love in many ways- with our words of kindness, praise and compassion, by gentle touch and fun, rowdy touch such as high 5’s or tousling hair, by giving our time to another to engage with them, by small gifts of things which give them enjoyment and also by doing acts of service – cooking a favourite meal or fixing the flat tyre on their bike. As humans, we like to belong to something – to feel part of it. It may be a family, a community, a church, a sports group etc. Read more
When Children Play Freely, They are Learning!
/by Sonja PrestonThe Value of Play
Play is fun.
Play comes from within. Children love to play.
Play is an important part of healthy development.
Play is enjoyable and doesn’t need careful planning, or an end result.
Play means active involvement, not just watching.
During play, the child sets the rules, and there is no right or wrong way to play.
During play children practise physical skills and learn about their bodies.
They learn to use their imagination.
They learn about their own feelings and the feelings of others.
They learn about the world around them using all five senses.
Play is the work of children!
Through play children learn:
To explore materials
To be creative
To use language
To share (maybe!)
To make decisions
To test possibilities
To estimate
To concentrate
and so much more!
Read more
Developmental Domains
/by Sonja PrestonWhen we look at child development, there are four common areas or domains we look at to ascertain where they are developmentally. They are:
LANGUAGE: Language is communication. Babies communicate through eye contact and watching faces. They also love the sound of your voice. Once they start articulating (the first ooh’s and ahhh’s) they quickly engage in ‘talk’ with you. If you say something to them and then wait, they will respond – they are conversing with you!
They cry to tell you when they need something eg a feed, or they are tired. Parents can learn to effectively respond to this, by learning the Dunstan Baby Language.
Babies soon start babbling, before moving on to more ‘word-like’ sounds (eg ‘bo’ for bottle). Around one babies may have 4 -6 words (such as ‘bo’) they use. The more you talk with them, and label items in their world, the more their brain takes in. Around 2 y.o children are putting 2 words together such as ‘me do’ or ‘Daddy car’. By 3 y.o they are mostly speaking in ‘regular’ sentences, with reasonable clarity.
Read more
What Can I Do When my Child Hurts Another?
/by Sonja PrestonI was asked recently, what do you do if your 20 month old hurts a baby for no apparent reason?
Let’s look at what’s happening developmentally around this age…
Language – By about 2 years of age, they can put two words together, have a vocabulary of around 50 words, and speak clearly half of the time.
Intellectually – a two year old uses ‘trial and error’ to attempt things; knows how to utilise objects eg how to use a chair to climb higher; and likes to pull things apart and try to put them together.
Motor Skills – they can climb on things, kick a ball forward and carry a large object while walking.
Social-Emotional development – This is critical to know about, to understand why a child sometimes responds poorly. They have learnt to say ‘no’ to show independence, make choices, and show a wide variety of emotions eg jealousy, sympathy, fear and anger, and that can change suddenly.
So, back to the situation… Read more
Being a P.A.R.E.N.T.
/by Sonja PrestonOver 40 years the small European country of Denmark has consistently ranked as the having the world’s most happy people. Numerous studies have been done to ascertain why this is the case. Many believe it stems from their rich childhood, where children are valued, where they are ‘allowed’ to be children and ‘just play’, and where formal schooling doesn’t start till around age 7 years.
The Danes also have ‘hygge’. Hygge is a Danish word which can’t readily be translated in to English as there is no counterpart. The best explanation is around the cosy, warm and friendly feeling of their homes – they are very welcoming and you feel relaxed there. Hygge extends to how you treat others too – that you are welcoming to them.
I’ve been reading a book which I think many parents would enjoy, about how the Danes rear their children. It’s called : “The Danish Way of Parenting” by Jessica Alexander and Iben Sandahl. Read more
‘Growing’ a Parent
/by Sonja PrestonWhen we become pregnant, there is so much focus on the developing foetus – the size, the gender, the health etc. Health professionals and family members encourage the pregnant Mother to eat well, avoid toxins such as smoke, and to get enough rest. These factors (and others) can contribute to the birth of a healthy baby.
When the baby is born there are regular check-ins with community nurses to monitor the progress of the new child. There is a lot of attention on the well-being and growth of the child.
What about the growth of the parent?
What does it take to ‘grow’ a healthy happy parent? Read more